Blair's Journal Entry (Chapter One)

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So uh, things have been very frantic the last few months. It's that sort of thing where... lots of little things tend to pile up and it all starts to get overwhelming. In reality, I've had relatively few things to worry about, especially compared to Bonnie, but it's still... i dunno. Dr. Khan recommended that I try writing things down - at first I didn't figure I had to, but I'm home alone right now and can't really sleep. It's weird. Bonnie's spent plenty of nights at Orotiv's the last few months, I mean, she's there almost as much as she's here, but it's only now it seems... lonely.

Today actually marks the since month mark since Cece and I... broke up. It seems so long ago now, I don't miss her as much as I did at first, maybe I'm getting used to being single again. In hindsight I can see that she treated be like crap, and all the things I did just to keep her attention, although if I had the chance I'd go back and do it all again, maybe more as friends. Looking back, she always seemed more fixated on the... physical side of the relationship, she took my desire not to have sex very personally, so I guess it's no surprise that she was cheating behind my back for... several months... uhm.

I last saw her at a movie theatre about 3 months ago, it stirred up a lot of emotions. I decided to get a job at Nacrene radio to help distract myself - plus, with Bonnie having her hands full with the baby, I figured it would be good for me to do something else too. I'm a little worried about money too, with Bonnie essentially being out of work for nearly a year, and this isn't a job you can just back out off. She isn't too worried though, and she knows our budget better than me, so I guess things are okay - knowing her she'll have a stash of money I don't know about. Anyway. Nacrene Radio is a small station that only really broadcasts this side of Unova - it's run by Royce, who is actually Albany's cousin - he introduced me to the idea. I'm proud of Albany, a few years ago he could barely talk to his cousin. Royce is quite relaxed and cool, probably what Albany would be like if he was more confident. My show is on quite late at night, so I mostly appeal to the nocturnal crowd. In other words, I've asked Devon to compile a list of songs Ferelith can't stand.

Speaking of Ferelith and Devon, they've been putting off getting married for nearly two years now. They've been doing odds and ends here and there like choosing a ring and looking up dresses, but they've not set any date now. Devon says the proposal wasn't that formal, Ferelith says she's going to do it after Bonnie gives birth but honestly... even before we found out Bonnie was pregnant, she was putting it off. Hopefully now the baby... babies? Baby's been born they will get going with it.

Okay okay, I should talk about the baby now. Bonnie went into labour Tuesday night, just as I... was about to... er... go to Albany's for our regular games night. We called Orotiv, and he took us to his hospital. Proxy met us there. Poxy actually works in the league 
inspecting fighters to ensure they're fit for battle, but before that she was a surgeon and before that that she was a midwife. This was very convenient for Bonnie, since they fired their old nurse for leaking pictures of the ultrasound (which, it turns out, was Bonnie's actual ultrasound). Poxy still wanted to make it up to Bonnie after the accidentally let out personal information, but even then, she really went out her way to help. Her daughter Dott helped out too, as a junior nurse at the hospital. Bonnie doesn't know her that well, but she seemed comfortable with her.

So uh, early Wednesday Morning, Jolene was born... stillborn. It was quite a tense moment. Bonnie asked me and Orotiv to leave and refused to even look at Jo, and I really feel like she's going to regret it. Orotiv was devastated, a bit angry at Bonnie, a bit at himself. The first moment he could he left the hospital to go to his sister's house... I don't think he actually arrived, but they had a conversation at some point because he told her about Bonnie not being Anya and everything. Obviously I didn't want to pry too much, and I don't understand all the biology, but apparently it was something to do with the heart. And it 'didn't keep working' after she was born. Bonnie did mentioned something about an irregular heartbeat but me and Orotiv didn't take it seriously. God, it makes me feel like a jerk.

I stayed a while until Bonnie was feeling better, got something to eat at the canteen - I brought Bonnie a sandwich but she never ended up eating it, since she started giving birth to Harris. Orotiv was still away, so I assisted her during the labour... as much as I could. The labour lasted quite a few hours with no real progress, and Bonnie seemed to be getting really... tried. Eventually she just seemed to 'give up' and well... it's kind of... heard to recall. Bonnie has fainted several times before, due to her stress and pregnancy but never in such a... dire situation. Eventually they had to make an emergency C-Section. Bonnie woke up shortly afterwards and be and Orotiv were able to make sure they were okay, but she nodded off almost immediately afterwards. I don't blame her, considering she'd been in labour for over a day. Harris and Bonnie are in the hospital, me and Orotiv went to our respective homes, and everybody going to try and get a little sleep. I just hope Bonnie gets some rest because she's going to need it.

I asked the hospital to send me regular updates, and Harris is doing well - no signs of the same illness as his sister although some breathing troubles - things are cautious but we can get our hopes up. Both babies were around the 6 pound mark, which is pretty average for one baby cubchoo but big for two, especially considering Bonnie's quite short (though to be fair, Orotiv makes up for it). The biology around mienfoo and mienshao is still quite gray considering the rarity of their species, although apparently this rarity is due to issues with labour which could explain Bonnie's troubles. The species is very lean and strong with doesn't lend itself well to labour, but most mienshao have regenerate abilities to make up for it. I suppose this is where Bonnie falters, then again, she does have incredible resistance if not a high pain threshold.

Y'know, seeing Bonnie the last few months has surprised me. 9 months ago I could not see Bonnie as a mother, she hates children with a passion. I know that initially she was planning to act as a surrogate for Orotiv - give birth to the child, get paid, leave them as if nothing happen. At one point she actually suggested being a surrogate full-time to help increase her species' numbers, but I... somehow doubt that's still the plan. In the beginning she hid it because she didn't want to be treated differently, and for a few months she tried to act like nothing changed. And yet somewhere along the line she actually got excited about the baby, about making a nursery, raising a child. The whole idea of a surrogacy became something... much more casual. And her relationship with Orotiv has grown too, they were once practically strangers, nothing more than friends-with-benefits, and now they genuinely seem... comfortable in each others company. Bonnie and Orotiv... they're not lovers, but then, neither of them are the kind of people who want lovers, perhaps they will find themselves in a platonic love, maybe a platonic marriage... they certainly seem like life partners.

I love Bonnie, I love all my friends, and most of all seeing them grow. But I need to accept that this is Bonnie's life, not mine. I don't even know yet if Bonnie will be coming back to live here, whether fixing up the nursery is a waste of time. I'll do whatever I can to make Bonnie happy and give her a happy life, and if I'm not a part of it... well, it'll break my heart, but that's life.

I should... see if Albany's awake, maybe we can catch up on that game's night.
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